And some innocent strategies how we avoid, saying the truth.
There is one thing about dishonesty that makes me sad the most: The hiding. If we all hide, we can't make any touching, deep, true connections. It's as simple as that. Then we are just a mask talking to another mask and our conversations become empty and meaningless. Our conversations and therefore connection to others will only go as deep as we are able to really show ourselves.
WHAT DOES HONESTY MEAN?
But let's take a step back. What does being honest even mean? Does it mean to vomit all my feelings and thoughts completely unreflected into the face of anyone that is in front of me? Or do you have to sugarcoat your truths in order not to hurt anyone?
For me, it's none of that. And I think it's important to be aware of which kind of truth you want to communicate. There is the truth about what you are feeling or thinking right now, unreflected, raw, direct. BUT – this might not be the whole truth. So I invite you to go a level deeper.
WHEN IT IS NOT THE FULL TRUTH
For example: Your boy-/girlfriend is coming home later than expected and that makes you angry because you cooked dinner. sHe comes home and you say „honestly“ how you feel: „That really sucks, you always come late lately. You should have known that it's important for me! I'll never cook dinner again.“
First of all, there are a couple of
generalizations (always, never – is it really always and never?)
deletions (That really sucks – what exactly sucks?) and even
distortions (you expect someone to read your mind and know, that something is important for you)
in this message – which makes it hard to even know if what you say is true, because it is freakin' unspecific.
Secondly, you don't even really talk about your feelings, you just say that „it“ sucks instead of saying „hey, I'm angry about this.“
Many people do these kinds of disconnections because they make a personal feeling impersonal. This way they don't have to confess their feeling but can still send the message.
So in case someone „attacks“ them with: „Don't get so angry.“, this strategy still gives them the chance to deny it and answer „I'm not angry, it just sucks!“
Thirdly you are presenting only a Level 1 truth! I call „Level 1 truth“ everything that is on the surface. So your first superficial feeling might be anger. But if you ask yourself „How do you REALLY feel“ you might realize that actually, you feel sad, and not angry. That would be a Level 2 truth. Or your first thought might be „You should have known.“ but if you ask yourself „Is that really true?“ you might realize that there was no way he could have known because you just never told him.
So just by asking yourself „How do you REALLY feel?“ and „Is that really true?“ you can already get to a deeper level of truth. Then of course at some point, there is the level of universal consciousness truth – but I'll go there another day.
For now, I just want to leave you with these two questions. If you have any further questions or experiences with this, leave a comment! I'd love to hear about it!